hi!
i just woke up from a deep 6 hour "nap" and in need of something to satiate my tireless jetlag.
this is the hardest part of coming home. today i've been so overwhelmed by the amenities it has to offer me. untimed hot showers. vegetarian food even though i'm not a vegetarian. english.
adjusting sucks. i feel it took me over a week to adjust to south africa and now i have to do it all over again 2 weeks later. at least i'm not losing as many days. it's still strange to think it's wednesday or i guess now thursday morning because i've really spent more time traveling than that.
i crave privacy but i'm longing for social interaction with my age group and animal species. i wish that susie didnt take away the book i was reading on the plane because now i could be finishing it.
i wish the housesitter was not sleeping on the couch or i could be watching late night television.
i wish the housesitter was not an afrikaaner because i am fucking. tired. of. speaking. afrikaans.
yes, i am speaking afrikaans. in the practical sense. it happened the minute we landed i feel, but probably more than that, maybe like an hour. but the next thing i knew i was comprehending an even higher amount of conversation and speaking it myself. this became distracting because i had an american friend with me who did not speak or ever heard a word in her life. so i was often entrenched in two conversations, whichever one i was in and then listening to the other ones around in a different language that i understood and could not ignore. my language center is disproportionally saturated and i will scream if i have to hear another jerrrrrrlyk! or ek het hoe mama.
my appetite is all fucked up. during my 30+ hour plane ride i ate 4 protein bars and shitty united airline food. nibbling every two hours. i just want a burrito. no good burritos in duarte at 235am. 225am. 223am.
.
,,,,,,,,asd
s
kl
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
perverse and often baffling
so i suppose it has been a while since i have written. a while, a while.
well, it's the dawning of yet another age of aquarius! another season has passed, and another is coming to an end. meaning, i am once again faced with my best fiend: unemployment.
this time, i was not passively laid off by the public sector, but passively "let go" by the corporate conglomerate. apparently they are looking for "commitment" and "motivation to work" as qualities in their employees, both of which i admittedly lack. really though, my parting of ways with my corporate sugar daddy was over a conflict of interest, my summer vacation to south africa, which has been in the works since january. so, it's really not as much of a reflection upon my character as i am making it out to be, but with my incredible ability to magnify the minute, everything is.
so, back to the topic: unemployment. oh, how i've missed you! how i've missed the days of living a depression-era existence in my los angeles alcove, daily decisions of "eat or drink?" (rather than having both options), never going to the movies, making conscientious and conservative purchases at goodwills, never paying for my donation-based yoga classes, and somehow always diverting the infamous bank overdraft every month, not using a credit card, and paying rent to puzzled roommates.
i know. it sounds impossible.
but it's something that i have done for so long that i've really done well disciplining myself with-- i consider it the price of freedom. how i long for the nights to have time on a tuesday to drink beers and kick my feet up, thinking about what i'll do next in the studio tomorrow. like the guy from the 4-hour work week says, "time is your most valuable commodity." and even though i disagree his economically unsound, niche and class-oriented work day-cutting tactics, the man has a point.
well, it's the dawning of yet another age of aquarius! another season has passed, and another is coming to an end. meaning, i am once again faced with my best fiend: unemployment.
this time, i was not passively laid off by the public sector, but passively "let go" by the corporate conglomerate. apparently they are looking for "commitment" and "motivation to work" as qualities in their employees, both of which i admittedly lack. really though, my parting of ways with my corporate sugar daddy was over a conflict of interest, my summer vacation to south africa, which has been in the works since january. so, it's really not as much of a reflection upon my character as i am making it out to be, but with my incredible ability to magnify the minute, everything is.
so, back to the topic: unemployment. oh, how i've missed you! how i've missed the days of living a depression-era existence in my los angeles alcove, daily decisions of "eat or drink?" (rather than having both options), never going to the movies, making conscientious and conservative purchases at goodwills, never paying for my donation-based yoga classes, and somehow always diverting the infamous bank overdraft every month, not using a credit card, and paying rent to puzzled roommates.
i know. it sounds impossible.
but it's something that i have done for so long that i've really done well disciplining myself with-- i consider it the price of freedom. how i long for the nights to have time on a tuesday to drink beers and kick my feet up, thinking about what i'll do next in the studio tomorrow. like the guy from the 4-hour work week says, "time is your most valuable commodity." and even though i disagree his economically unsound, niche and class-oriented work day-cutting tactics, the man has a point.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
amelia earhardt vs. the dancing bear
now i now i should really be getting to bed but the guilt of not having written in this blog has taken over me tonight... tonight i giveth myself over.
sometimes i wonder what kind of life my cat had before i got her. now she is getting really attentive and clingy, but when i try to give her affections, half the time she runs away, afraid of me. why? i can understand the idea of a big hairless hand ready to grab your waist is scary, but it's all in the name of love. maybe someone in her past used lures of affection as a pathway to violence. oh how terrible to think of. lets not think these thoughts.
my dog, phoebe, from home is in the hospital. she is in the hospital because she ate HER COLLAR. yes, you heard that right. my 10 year old dog ate her own dog collar. when my mom told me this, i cried, i worried that my phoebe's stupidity would do her in this time, like it has almost threatened her thrice before. but when i was telling this story to my roommates, i started laughing. because it's funny. my dog is really not smart. loyal, but not smart. i looked at my cat and i just knew that whatever she did, i at least was at ease knowing she would not eat her little red collar.
other mentionable events have unfolded this evening, some more mentionable than others, uhh, okay. where was i going with that? after much excitement/hype for a Little Jefferson party, we surrendered to watching National Lampoon's European Vacation, and afterwards i proceeded to watch craig ferguson (good), oprah (scary-- more on that later), and poker after dark (who knew?), and ate a little honey ice cream (highly recommended from the haagen daz "reserve"). it felt really good to sit and watch late night tv.
so, back to oprah. tonight oprah talked about this book called the new earth or maybe a new earth by eckhard follet (i know i spelled the name wrong). its a book to help the common man find their spiritual purpose in life. i'm like, isnt that what the bible was for? this book basically translated the bible, passage for passage. jenny mccarthy (seriously) so eloquently put it, if i can recall correctly, "when i was reading this book, it was like i was waking up from a dream... the dream [teary eyes]... was my life." so poignant, jen. her beau jim carrey also added some scary sounding scientolgoy self-actualization crap, which is when i began to tune into the eerieness of all of this, but then rest assured that it was nothign new, this is no new brainwash, this is just he bible translated for people who are too lazy to go to church. let the crusades live on!
sometimes i wonder what kind of life my cat had before i got her. now she is getting really attentive and clingy, but when i try to give her affections, half the time she runs away, afraid of me. why? i can understand the idea of a big hairless hand ready to grab your waist is scary, but it's all in the name of love. maybe someone in her past used lures of affection as a pathway to violence. oh how terrible to think of. lets not think these thoughts.
my dog, phoebe, from home is in the hospital. she is in the hospital because she ate HER COLLAR. yes, you heard that right. my 10 year old dog ate her own dog collar. when my mom told me this, i cried, i worried that my phoebe's stupidity would do her in this time, like it has almost threatened her thrice before. but when i was telling this story to my roommates, i started laughing. because it's funny. my dog is really not smart. loyal, but not smart. i looked at my cat and i just knew that whatever she did, i at least was at ease knowing she would not eat her little red collar.
other mentionable events have unfolded this evening, some more mentionable than others, uhh, okay. where was i going with that? after much excitement/hype for a Little Jefferson party, we surrendered to watching National Lampoon's European Vacation, and afterwards i proceeded to watch craig ferguson (good), oprah (scary-- more on that later), and poker after dark (who knew?), and ate a little honey ice cream (highly recommended from the haagen daz "reserve"). it felt really good to sit and watch late night tv.
so, back to oprah. tonight oprah talked about this book called the new earth or maybe a new earth by eckhard follet (i know i spelled the name wrong). its a book to help the common man find their spiritual purpose in life. i'm like, isnt that what the bible was for? this book basically translated the bible, passage for passage. jenny mccarthy (seriously) so eloquently put it, if i can recall correctly, "when i was reading this book, it was like i was waking up from a dream... the dream [teary eyes]... was my life." so poignant, jen. her beau jim carrey also added some scary sounding scientolgoy self-actualization crap, which is when i began to tune into the eerieness of all of this, but then rest assured that it was nothign new, this is no new brainwash, this is just he bible translated for people who are too lazy to go to church. let the crusades live on!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
she rings like a bell through the night
so as fate has it, the one day when i am fully rested and ready for my day from hell, there of course, is no work to be had. of course.
involuntary day off. and up early!
yesterday i was telling my roommates about the story of my work day: the night before i got to bed around 3am and totally slept through my alarm and woke up at 952am, 8 minutes before the last subfinder call, after having missed about 6 or 7 calls. regretful that i have been irresponsible, i check for jobs and there is one waiting for me at a site i've been before for a full day's work! so i get there at 11am, and there are only 2 kids and like 6 teachers. i went out to lunch (and ate an awesome burrito, finally) and relieved the duties from one of the teachers, sat around and read a book on typography, and got home at 315. and got paid for a full day's work. i was so grateful and in disbelief. i felt i cashed in good karma. in response to this, james quipped that i am "grateful for my good fortune." i guess that's true. that's one thing i got going for me.
involuntary day off. and up early!
yesterday i was telling my roommates about the story of my work day: the night before i got to bed around 3am and totally slept through my alarm and woke up at 952am, 8 minutes before the last subfinder call, after having missed about 6 or 7 calls. regretful that i have been irresponsible, i check for jobs and there is one waiting for me at a site i've been before for a full day's work! so i get there at 11am, and there are only 2 kids and like 6 teachers. i went out to lunch (and ate an awesome burrito, finally) and relieved the duties from one of the teachers, sat around and read a book on typography, and got home at 315. and got paid for a full day's work. i was so grateful and in disbelief. i felt i cashed in good karma. in response to this, james quipped that i am "grateful for my good fortune." i guess that's true. that's one thing i got going for me.
Monday, January 21, 2008
shadowplay
this is bello. bello is rachel's cat, who along with this cat, bert:
have broken me in, and realized that i needed to get a cat.
i never really liked cats. for years i've been an adamant dog person, promoting canines as the superior companion, that their unconditional loyalty and protective qualities were really man's best friend. cats, as far i was concerned, were useless, fussy, tempremental, boney, fragile things with claws and accompanied a particular type of owner (i was also kind of scared of them for all these reasons, true or untrue). never, ever, ever would i have thought that i would be cleaning up my apartment, as if preparing for a new baby, to welcome a cat into my home, my life.
what changed? maybe it's because i'm getting older. maybe, in my very young twenties, tempting the idea (hormonally) of motherhood, i feel i need to take care of something. or, maybe i nee something in my life to smother with my runoff affections. or because they're cute. or because i need more obligation/responsbility in my life. i think all of these reasons are true.
i never thought of myself as "feline," but maybe i'm turning over a new leaf. this year, i know, is going to be full of transitions (serious and not), so perhaps it marks a milestone. rachel told me she got bello exactly when she was my age, and he has travelled all around the country with her. although i don't plan (or know, rather) if i will be travelling the country, it's a start, as i uh, travel down the road of life. or something.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
i could wrong i could be right
may the road rise with you!
haven't blogged for a while. sorry, audience of 4.
i have to pee. but on another note, where have i come to in the new year so far?
new years are very important to me. so is the actual holiday. but it's more momentous than birthdays i think, and not because i forget how old i am a lot (it's true), but changing a number on the gregorgian calendar is a big deal with no take backs! it's time, time in joint.
this would be the time i would talk about resolutions. so here goes. last year my resolution was to be less nice, and i think i accomplished that to a fair degree-- not being bitch, but simply being less deferent... so i guess i could continue that resolution into 2008 and the years to come. resolution number 2 is to read more. i think last year i might have read like, 2 books? so shameful. there is no excuse for that. and a footnote to that resolution is to finish reading a book even if it gets kind of bad instead of putting it down. because you never know! that's basically it as far as resolutions go. i'm trying to keep it realisitc.
i'm also quite proud of my ardent politicism this year; the first year i've read the california propositions. i always feel like a jackass when i go to vote and i just stare at all the props and i blindly vote liberally on all of them... even though that is generally what i'd do anyway, i want to at least feel i can take responsibility for it. i have not yet decided on a presidential candidate, however.
i spent all day in my studio yesterday and finished two paintings and broke ground on another. first time i've done that in a while. i finished a painting i've been working on for over 6 months... get that shit outta my face!
saw the matta-clark and cosima von bonin show today at moca. good thing i remembered to go 2 days before it closes... not that it hasn't happened before (i'm so neglectful). i'll write more on that later.
haven't blogged for a while. sorry, audience of 4.
i have to pee. but on another note, where have i come to in the new year so far?
new years are very important to me. so is the actual holiday. but it's more momentous than birthdays i think, and not because i forget how old i am a lot (it's true), but changing a number on the gregorgian calendar is a big deal with no take backs! it's time, time in joint.
this would be the time i would talk about resolutions. so here goes. last year my resolution was to be less nice, and i think i accomplished that to a fair degree-- not being bitch, but simply being less deferent... so i guess i could continue that resolution into 2008 and the years to come. resolution number 2 is to read more. i think last year i might have read like, 2 books? so shameful. there is no excuse for that. and a footnote to that resolution is to finish reading a book even if it gets kind of bad instead of putting it down. because you never know! that's basically it as far as resolutions go. i'm trying to keep it realisitc.
i'm also quite proud of my ardent politicism this year; the first year i've read the california propositions. i always feel like a jackass when i go to vote and i just stare at all the props and i blindly vote liberally on all of them... even though that is generally what i'd do anyway, i want to at least feel i can take responsibility for it. i have not yet decided on a presidential candidate, however.
i spent all day in my studio yesterday and finished two paintings and broke ground on another. first time i've done that in a while. i finished a painting i've been working on for over 6 months... get that shit outta my face!
saw the matta-clark and cosima von bonin show today at moca. good thing i remembered to go 2 days before it closes... not that it hasn't happened before (i'm so neglectful). i'll write more on that later.
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